TWO MALES WITH POM-POMS have single-handedly shattered right-wing America's unspoken rule: cheerleaders must be female, preferably in shorts, and strictly for male viewing pleasure.
The Minnesota Vikings hired two male cheerleaders and seemingly put a stop to the god-given right of incels to mentally undress women in shorts. They’re coping by hurling an onslaught of bigoted abuse at Blaize Shiek and Louie Conn. While their Instagram page is full of support, the headlines scream: “Fans Outraged!” “No Thanks!” “Facing Backlash!”
The best part is, both cheerleaders are white males! Maybe that was unintentional, but it deliciously wrecks the right-wing’s favorite talking point: “DEI did this!”
Blaize Shiek and Louie Conn – How cool are those names?!? / Andy Berg
Slapping the“DEI” label on this just falls flat. How can including White men be DEI? It can’t! bwaaa haa haaaaaa. Joke’s on you, crybabies!
Alabama’s own Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-MAGA) called it woke and issued a stern warning, y’all. He insists this won’t fly in “the South,” whining that these men, who do not play football, have the power to suck the masculinity out of football.
MAGA Sen. Tommy Tuberville is big mad. / Getty
Former NFL’er and gay hater Jack Brewer doth protest he was disgusted that he’s “being represented” by a pair of dancing men. (Inexplicably, male chefs and fashion designers are fine by him.)
“It’s sickening,” he shrieked. “No man needs to ever have a pom-pom in their hand.”
To which we must ask, does a woman ever need to have a pom-pom in her hand? Who is represented by a woman leaping with pom-poms? Not me. Ugh, I’m horrified!
Jack Brewer, at CPAC of course. / Gage Skidmore
NFL cheerleaders are not out to “represent” anyone, just generate enthusiasm for the game. And I have to say, the two new peppy hires are sparking joy.
Oh, but Brewer is sickened! Men are soiling the “most masculine team sport in the world!” Masculine. Okay.
… … … … … … … … (That long pause was for your laughter.)
Men’s football has 12 whole minutes of active play. Men’s tennis: 4-5 hours. Women’s: 2-3 hours. One female tennis player has more stamina than a team of over 50 beefed-up men!
But I digress.
Right-wing culture is easily offended and hypersensitive, thus the false displays of machismo by lazy arbiters of manliness. Being “alpha” is not represented by physical strength, athleticism, or even respect. It is represented by a vulgar heterosexuality.
Let me posit this: Could any lout sneering at the male cheerleaders actually do the job? Are they fit enough? Can they jump? Jiggle their stairmastered butt? Run, dance, cheer, maneuver tassels and smile at the same time? Nopeity nope!
Never mind that these Vikings passed the same rigorous tryouts. Ignore that the Rams, Patriots, Saints, Panthers, Buccaneers, Chiefs, Colts, Titans, Eagles, 49ers, and Ravens, already have male cheerleaders. Forget that Republicans Reagan, Bush II, Eisenhower, and even Trent Lott and Rick Perry all pom-pommed their way through college.
(L-R) Pres. Reagan, Texas Gov. Rick Perry, Pres. Eisenhower and Pres. Bush cheered loud and proud.
Fun fact: Cheerleading was started by a white dude. In Minnesota.
Yep. On Nov. 2, 1898, a U of Minn student, Johnny Campbell jumped a fence at a sporting event, and started shouting.
It was a hit. Back then, they were called Yell Leaders. And women were not invited.
Fast forward to WWII. The men were off to war, and someone had to fill those shoes. Women stepped up, and stayed. Suddenly, cheerleading evolved, incorporating more athleticism, more stunts, more wow.
In the 1970s, Nixon passed Title IX, prohibiting discrimination in federally funded schools. More women’s sports were added, along with cheerleaders.
The sexier the performances became, the more some men acted like they were entitled to sole viewing rights. Clearly no one ever considered that women might want some eye candy, too.
And, this is 2025, the Year of the Project. This annum in the Hatemonger Zodiac is symbolized by conservatives hijacking the most innocuous thing as political fodder. This issue poses two Very Serious Issues for the Charlie Kirks of masculinity.
Issue #1: Creep, Interrupted
Since America’s on a trend of rewriting the past, it’s only natural that today’s right-wing men don’t know yesterday’s right-wing men were ever cheerleaders. They’re just angry there’s a dent in their current pastime of watching football objectifying women.
Fact: The MAGA slob lives in a perpetual state of delusion, and this jars his time-honored fantasy. A single cheerleader makes fleeting eye contact, and suddenly he thinks she wants to have his babies. Brittany is definitely Morse-coding him her phone number via short and long twerks. She wants to marry him! The whole squad wants to marry him! Dreams can come true! But waitaminute… now there’s a guy on the squad..
Uh-oh. The boy cheerleader made eye contact! What does this mean? Is he Morse-coding his digits? Does he want to get married? Does he want to have his babies, too? Nooooo! Please send help! The safe space is crumbling! Call a waaaahmbulance!
Threatening MAGA with a high kick.
The objectors can’t articulate why they’re spiraling, because there’s no real reason. There’s no there there. Just desperation to find fault with anything that makes them uneasy (a.k.a. makes them think). So it’s irrelevant to them that other teams already have male “yell leaders.” The Vikings are just the latest convenient outrage.
The usual “men infiltrating women’s sports” grievance doesn’t work, because pro cheerleading is not officially a sport, but entertainment.
The anger stems from bitter discomfort about losing control of spaces they perceive as their domain, just like they resent Beyoncé for winning the country music Grammy. No one else can play in their sandbox.
Issue #2: Seeing men cheer turns you gay!
Homophobia runs deep. One set of balls in the squad and MAGA can’t get off on cheerleaders anymore. They’re petrified of being seen as attracted to a man, especially at a football game. Imagine that on the Jumbotron!
“Ya think they saw me?”
In MAGA world, being branded as LGBT results in excommunication (unless you’re a billionaire donor.) Poor bastards had to give up ogling barely legal ladies because now football can turn you gay, just like books.
As bona fide homophobes, they refuse to fawn over a female team with 2 men. The irony of fawning over a football team with 53 men escapes them.
Meanwhile, irony lives on as those who obsess over guys in tight uniforms every weekend and live for Fantasy Football have the audacity to rage about guys cheering. The ultimate irony, though, is two guys with pom-poms accidentally managed to make football less sexist just by showing up.
Well, God Bless ’Murrica.
Thanks for reading! I’m a political campaign designer and professional pot-stirrer, serving up snark on culture wars and politics. More about me here. Free subscriptions get you my undying gratitude; Paid ones help me roast conservatives full-time.
This was an amazing post. Historical yet sassy at the same time. As if two guys with pom poms could turn men gay when there is a field of sweaty mean in tights chasing and grabbing each other's...... balls.
The outrage over this is so ridiculous and pathetic I hadn't written any comments or notes yet on the subject. But you summarized it very well and with the nuance and context needed to highlight loud and proud that if anything all the crying and screaming from the homophobes about this has just given Pride and LGBTQIIA + allies 2 new very lovely male cheerleaders our joy and support 💜🕺💛 (and more reasons to laugh at how fragile the haters actually are).
Thanks a lot for this piece. It's been a week of awful news for many reasons, and this made me both smile & laugh.
This was an amazing post. Historical yet sassy at the same time. As if two guys with pom poms could turn men gay when there is a field of sweaty mean in tights chasing and grabbing each other's...... balls.
😆
The outrage over this is so ridiculous and pathetic I hadn't written any comments or notes yet on the subject. But you summarized it very well and with the nuance and context needed to highlight loud and proud that if anything all the crying and screaming from the homophobes about this has just given Pride and LGBTQIIA + allies 2 new very lovely male cheerleaders our joy and support 💜🕺💛 (and more reasons to laugh at how fragile the haters actually are).
Thanks a lot for this piece. It's been a week of awful news for many reasons, and this made me both smile & laugh.
🥰